:: heretics and killers. ::

:: Thursday, December 10, 2009 ::

of compromises and concessions.

i was once told by one of the only two real friends that i had in camp - something about concessions that you make in life. about decisions that you make.

you make a slight compromise. not thinking much of it. then you make another. and another. and soon you end up with something unfathomable.

in other words, the degree of change that could result from a seemingly insignificant decision could be very small given a short span of time. however it could not be said to be the same in the far future as the resultant effect could be so vast that what seemed insignificant could actually shape the course of an entire journey.

i shall illustrate for you:



the START is the point where you decide between two things. you can choose A or B. if you choose A, the timeline moves along A and vice versa for B. change is denoted by the length between the timeline. note that, along the timeline closer to the START point, choosing A or B bears not much change in your circumstances. but as time goes by, as you move along the timeline, the resultant difference between timelines A and B are much, much different. so far apart that the initial concession you've made at the START point is no longer insignificant. it has drastically shaped the course of your journey.

of course this could not necessarily mean a bad thing. there are many decisions that i've made that i feel right about, especially when i look back at how things were and are now. a lot of "if i hadn't, i would not have..."

it has a lot to do with the people that i've met along the way in my life. like the choice of school after PSLE. if i hadn't made that choice, i would not have made the same close friends that i have right now.

the decision to compromise and make allowances for others are shaped by these diagrammatic thoughts. sometimes, it feels like a mistake, while at other times, a blessing. but i'll always let time go by in order to get a clearer view of things, to allow myself a better reflection on my being the way i am.

it helps me be more cautious of the things im going to do. how i should to feel about things and most importantly how i understand the way people around me and the way my character is.

there are many ways to govern my actions and how i choose to feel. what to compromise on and what to put a strong stand against. this is just one of the ways.



::end::

:: antimarx 4:29 AM [+] ::
...

observation

i was waiting for the bus at the station today, and there was this fat girl behind me in the queue.

she was gorging on this reddish looking sausage - presumably pork. yea it was pork.

i muttered under my breath, "Cannibal..."


::end::

:: antimarx 3:34 AM [+] ::
...

the public

i dont like the bus ride home sometimes because the bus that i take can sometimes be fill with undesirable smells, wholly emanated from certain types of... nevermind. lest i get sued for racial sedition here.

nonetheless its a true experience which im pretty sure many would agree of. laugh it off, ok?

anyway, today i was engulfed and overwhelmed by the odour so much so that i had thoughts of taking a second shower the moment i got home; despite my post-training shower only minutes earlier. it was that bad.

and thus the term 'social tolerance' comes into mind. our community's being taught on how we should tolerate others - but they fail to mention the fact that to tolerate basically means to withstand whichever that comes along, whether you like it or not. the fallacy here perhaps should be pointed out, that socially tolerating behaviour does not necessarily breed accommodating individuals.

thats because they just tolerate, for whatever reason (be it out of fear, or face-saving measure), instead of accepting. therefore i think its high time we start teaching people to be socially accepting instead to rule out the obligatory feeling that tolerance entails.

well, not that it will work on me though cuz i think i am a gone case. but for the sake of the future...

... actually i dont care.


::end::

:: antimarx 3:28 AM [+] ::
...

Night Vision - Hell Is For Heroes

Under a blanket of fear
Down a bottomless pit
I've been waiting for this night to open my eyes

Wide awake i see in the dark
See the fences breaking apart
Get together with my old friends

Once again we breathe in the air
Escape to somewhere far from nowhere

Where the sky's been tainted red
Where the sky's been tainted..

Up on a bank by a stream trading memories for dreams
Fading echoes and pictures we burn at the seams

And now our wings are painted gold
They'll make idols of us yet
Empty promises they sold
Will reach their best before dates soon...

I can see it all

---------------

where did the last 2hours of my life go? i did not feel it pass by.

there are very few things that could make me feel that way. specific conversations with specific people. time spent with selected few. musicking.

just to name a few.

nothing beats sleeping though. im always a tired person anyway.


::end::

:: antimarx 4:22 AM [+] ::
...

ponder

i remember telling everyone how corrupted i think they were.

then i found myself masterminding a coup de'tat the following day; instructing the same bunch.

its funny how morally grey i am, how unwilling i am in breaching certain boundaries, yet allowing my conscience to a take time off for others.

the flexibility of a rigid, thinking mind. morally grey me.


::end::

:: antimarx 3:01 AM [+] ::
...

growing up

i've decided that i no longer am a ninja. yes, i've retired from this shortlived career due to excessive.. err... bullying and being poked fun at.

that would mean Iain would be the last of the clan.

in line with the contemporary situation, though...

...i have decided to be a robot instead.



::end::

:: antimarx 4:01 AM [+] ::
...

if i were an author..

i'd probably be a well known expert on the subject of awesomeness, and probably write this book:



the content of the book would definitely be filled with tips on how to talk like me, act, breathe, walk like me... basically how to be like me. but not me.


::end::

:: antimarx 4:38 AM [+] ::
...